Writing as reckoning

Jim Harrison writes like he is reckoning with life, death, love, God–you name it. He writes like his life is on the line, his soul is trying to come out through language–that’s how much is at stake.

His “Essential Poems” book frequently travels with me. This morning it was:

“The stillness of this earth
which we pass through
with the precise speed of our dreams.”

that washed over me, from Harrison’s poem, “Returning to Earth.”

“I Believe” is a manifesto of things in the world that he puts faith in.


Steep drop-offs, empty swimming pools, raw garlic, used tires, abandoned farmhouses, leaky wooden boats, turbulent rivers, the primrose growing out of a cow skull. What a list! These are things I know I believe in as I read his list because each thing comes powerfully to mind–smells, pictures, feelings. This is a list of beliefs that come from experience and hard-nosed reflection. Everything on it has passed the test.

Reading Harrison calls me to write things that absolutely have to be said–something relevant, something that is working on me and that has to come out or risk burning my soul, not an academic or intellectual game, not something that sounds nice or clever–something that comes out of an ongoing wrestling match or dance or conversation with the Spirit.

This a Mark year for the prescribed church readings–most of the Gospel readings this year come from Mark’s account of the good news. For Palm Sunday our in-person services did a dramatic reading of Mark’s account of the Passion (Last Supper, betrayal, arrest, crucifixion, death and burial–the suffering) of Jesus, with readers playing different parts. On our Zoom service, we divided up the reading between a few of us. Mark’s Gospel is the shortest of the four, the writer doesn’t add fluff or niceties, there is no birth narrative, no Christmas, and the account ends with women running bewildered from an empty tomb. Reading Mark’s Passion account, he doesn’t stop to answer questions, he leaves those up to us to ask, wrestle with, and answer.

I think the writer of Mark and Jim Harrison would get along. Both of them had stories they had to tell. Holy Week, the week leading up to Easter, is full of those kind of Jesus stories. It moves me more than any other week of the church calendar. This Friday evening, Good Friday, we will have a service built around the seven different last words/phrases attributed to Jesus in the different Gospel accounts of his death. Then someone will respond–something spoken, read, sung–hopefully pulling those in attendance into the story.

The Gospel writers chose to write down a story that was being told orally, for fear of losing it. They knew it was too big to risk letting it go. And each of them went about it a bit differently, each giving something of themselves and their reckoning with the good news and the Spirit.

When I read Harrison’s poetry, I know that what he is saying is vital to who he was. It conveys what he loved, what he struggled with, what he laughed at, what he cried over, and what lit up his sense of wonder; the curiosity that was in his bones. He was a rough outdoorsman who lived on a farm in Michigan near where he was born. He fished, he ate, he drank, he traveled–he lived.

I hope I can find the words, the pictures, the moments in my life where I connect to love, to wonder, to Creation, to God and to the story of God and humanity that is unfolding through all of us and transform and transmute it all through the right words.

I hope you find your own moments and experiences and transform them into your own art–whether dance, song, painting, poem, carving, or your life itself as a work of art. God is a creator and we, in God’s image, are also meant to create.

One of my favorite lines of writing comes from the beginning of a Harrison poem called “Tomorrow,” where he talks about being blindsided by a new kind of wonder, the kind we haven’t experienced before. He writes:

“I’m hoping to be astonished tomorrow
by I don’t know what”

The stars or the sunrise or sunset reflecting off the river; the smell and feeling of earned sweat; how excited your dog is when you walk in the door; a book you can’t put down or stop thinking about; the first sip of coffee or tea in the morning; jumping in the river, lake, or ocean when it’s colder than you expect; the memory of someone who shaped you; a conversation with someone you love when you don’t know what either of you will say next; an answered prayer; exploring somewhere you’ve never been; sacrificing something important for someone else–someone else sacrificing something important for you; knowing in your heart, soul, and bones that you are loved.

I’m hoping to be astonished tomorrow by I don’t. know. what. And I believe.

With Clay and Light

“you must
live
and mold your life
with clay and light.”


–Pablo Neruda, from “Ode to a Couple”

I’m sitting on my skateboard on the shoreline of the cemetery looking out at the cove, next to a tree I like to pray and think with. Neruda’s words are an epiphany–something I need to be reminded of: “live… mold your life with clay and light.” For clay and for light, I need to be outside in large stretches of time. We are clay; I am sitting on clay, light is warming my face.

Over the past few days, I’ve watched the magnolia tree in the front yard erupt into full bloom, led a conversation about new life at our Wednesday healing service, and read and sat on skateboards outside on warm spring mornings, skating, reading, listening to birds, breathing in the day.

There are times when skateboarding is pure prayer. There are times when smiling at the sunrise is prayer. Standing under a tree in bloom, mindful and grateful for the short time it goes all out and all in, is prayer. Mindfulness is a big part of prayer for me. It asks me to pay attention.

I watch the magnolia all winter, no signs of life. Then small buds. Last weekend, the buds were pink. Wednesday, they are bursting out with life. Within 10 days, most of them will have dropped off, and the tree will move into the next phase of its process. New life is continuous in nature and looks different at every phase. Even in the bleakest times in winter, life is still present, waiting to show itself.

We go through this same process of letting go of old life and blossoming into new life, but not with the regularity or predictability of flowers or trees. You can’t always tell what stage a person is going through. Even with a lack of outward and visible signs, this life process feels on the inside like what creation shows us with the seasons.

Mornings are the best times to hit the skate park and pump track in town. I have the place to myself or there are just a few like-minded folks there. After my legs tire, I sit down to read Gary Snyder:

“The mind wanders. A million

Summers, night air still and the rocks

Warm. Sky over endless mountains.

All the junk that goes with being human

Drops away…

A clear attentive mind

Has no meaning but that

Which sees is truly seen.”

—Gary Snyder, from “Piute Creek”

I live in the movement between a mind wanders and a clear attentive mind. Recognizing each and the space between helps. Skating allows both for wandering and clarity—navigating the pump track is a practice in focus.

The next morning is wandering mind, listening to and watching birds around the Oxford Conservation park and next to the creek.

Next to the creek, sitting, breathing, listening, the wandering stops. Somewhere in my silence true seeing starts. I read Neruda’s words and life and clay and light.

As I go to leave, God gives me a picture of what it looks like when you put them all in the same frame:

“you must
live
and mold your life
with clay and light.”

Amen.